Dear Chauvanists

A few years ago a man on Twitter, Tweeted

@FakePentland I'm saying women in America are not oppressed. You have every right we do.

I, Preesi, say BULLSHIT!

Women make less pay then men.
We are still seen and valued by the sum of our body parts and how pretty and thin we are.
Actually its EVEN worse NOW then before the Equal Rights movement.
Women STILL do 80% of the housework, even if they have a job or jobs.
AND the TOP cause of death of all pregnant women in the USA (maybe the world too) is MURDER by the Father of the fetus.
Most religions have special tenets to oppress women ESPECIALLY the Abrahamic religions and Catholics who force Nuns to take vows of POVERTY and not PRIESTS.
We cant eat at the same table as men in some religions, like Islam, Orthodox Jews wont allow us to sit in the front of the bus.

More money is spent researching Erectile Dysfunction than perimenopausal relief or coronary disease in women (our leading cause of death)

If we speak out in public about anything we are "bitches"...
If we stand up for ourselves we get called "emotional" or "shes on the rag".

Men want us home and barefoot and pregnant, cooking at the stove (because cooking is OUR "job" :::roll eyes:::), yet women cant seem to break the ceiling in the Michelin Guide...
On TV MEN hafta show us "dopey" women how to use vacuums and other cleaning appliances on infomercials yet our husbands cant seem to figger[sic] them out on the homefront.

You say men should have the right to decide if we abort yet SINGLE motherhood is exponentially on the rise and if a divorce isnt amicable Fathers resent paying child support and its like pulling teeth to get them to pay.

@FakePentland you just dont get it...

STATISTICALLY SPEAKING


YOU, as a penis owner, are born.
You as a child are expected to get dirty, fight, and burp and break your arm.
You get the most fun toys.
You can spit in public and walk around all over without a shirt on and if your hands are dirty no one cares.

You go thru the "Boys smell-shower optional" stage. No one cares, because YOU are a boy!

You settle fights by fighting and cussing. if you get a scar on your cheek no one cares, its SEXY when you age. Manly...

You get your first jockstrap. its a right of passage...You demand your buddies try to hit you in the crotch with your t-ball bat with your new jock strap on...

Then you start liking girls and start showering A LOT.

Your PENIS is your mighty SWORD

No one is concerned when you start masturbating A LOT, its what boys do they say....

As a teen you are expected to sleep with several girls, its MANLY! "Sow your oats son!"

If you go to the beach or the cabin with your buddies you dont even need to bring a razor or anything, just maybe a change of clothes and your toothbrush...You can be loud and obnoxious and no one minds. YOU are a boy.

After High School and maybe college, employers dont seem to care much about the pics of you partying on Facebook, you get the job anyway.

Depending upon your job all you need is jeans, tshirts and work boots or 5-8 good suits and ties.
It takes you 30 mins to get out the door in the morning. If you want you dont even have to shave as beards are acceptable and mens haircuts are cheap and quick. If you start balding no problem!

After marrying, you get up in the morning, poop, shower & shave, have a little breakfast, get dressed and drive to work.
You get there, do your job, pal around with the dudes, eat lunch (which you walk down the street to get, unencumbered by lewd catcalls from workers on the street) then do a lil more work then go home.
You have a beer to relax and then eat dinner and take the trash out and have more beer while watching tv and then you go to bed and hopefully have sex with your wife, then fall asleep.
You do this repeatedly all 5 of the workdays.
On the weekends you mow the grass and do parts of a Honey-Do list.
Or if you are like some guys you have figured out a way to con your wife into thinking its okay if you go play golf or some other nonsense activity with your buddies all weekend...
This goes on and on and on for years.

When you hit 35-40 your gray hair is considered manly, your wrinkles distinguished.

In your 50s you only need to bend over and cough at your first colonoscopy and prostate exams.

You can finally retire and enjoy life on your little boat you bought.

If you get dementia or cancer statistically your wife will stay with you for life caring for you.

You die...


Thats a MANS LIFE.


However.....

If you are born with a VAGINA however, STATISTICALLY The following is YOUR life...

You are born.
You are dressed in pink and glitter and dresses and shiny patent leather shoes and then told NOT to get them dirty or scuffed.

From the very beginning you are taught to admire yourself in a mirror. Inspecting your face, hair and body...alll your flaws too

You are called Princess a lot.
You are given play clothes, play make up (from Tinkerbelle brand) play high heels and Easy Bake Ovens and pretend (but functional) toy vacuum cleaners, toy kitchens and Mops. You are given Baby dolls that eat and wet their paper diapers and you get play strollers to put them in.

Even though you are taught to inspect your image in a mirror a lot and dress in dresses with fake heels and fake make up, you are told to keep your legs closed while sitting, and "dont get dirty" and your mother is constantly pulling your dress in place to cover your underwear ...This subtly translates as YOUR BODY IS NAUGHTY and needs covering.

If you are loud, speak up a lot or are obnoxious you are taught to stifle that, as its NOT LADYLIKE.
Your mother is always afraid you will hurt your face.

You are made aware that there are dangerous men out there who want to touch your private parts and to run from them, making you realize YOU are a target.

One day when you are 11 or 12 you get your period...from here on out you must plan your life around the 5-7 days you bleed from your vagina. You must procure and carry supplies for this time...Which will occur for the average woman 456 times in your life...
(BTW you wont get to take that expense off on taxes or put it on health insurance, you must eat it.)
If its not bad enough that you will bleed for 3192 days of your life, you will now also have pain, headaches, nausea, mood changes etc. around this time. PMS can start 14 days before the actual period, and you may lose work and school time because of cramps or headache.
Countless pairs of panties, pants, skirts, bedsheets will be accidentally stained because of your period and invariably you will suffer at least 1 public embarrassment from staining your white paints at school.

So now as a girl you need to carry a purse so you can have a place to put your supplies and make up. Some purses weigh a lot and leave dents in your shoulder after years of wear.

You are taught you MUST BE NICE all the time to get along with others so you can make friends. Yet you are pitted against other girls by the media by who has better clothes, hair, who is thinner or is more POPULAR.
Your life is now a competition game.

Statistically science and math teachers will overlook you for your male peers.

Depending upon your parents you are taught good girls dont put out and MASTURBATION IS NEVER DISCUSSED OR ITS FROWNED UPON...

1 out of 5 of you will be molested as a child.
Statistically if you are molested as a child you are more prone to obesity, anxiety and promiscuity...
If you make it to 14 unscathed, you will be bombarded with mixed messages.
Your parents still want you to be a good girl who is nice, Yet tv, movies, music, ads and magazines all show abnormally skinny, scantily clad women and Reality shows show women being crazed jealous bitches. Young stars are 'leaking" sextapes and making millions and having huge careers out of them and teens are getting paid millions for getting pregnant.

From 12 to 18 boys at school will try to get in your pants, they will lie to you to do so. If you dont they still lie or make sleazy comments.

Your breasts develop into b or c cups and you need a bra, which you have to wear for the rest of your life, It is hot and sweaty and pinches at times. but if you dont wear it your breasts sag and you look awful.

As a girl all your clothes COST more, and in order to get along in society, you will NEED more clothes then a boy, you are EXPECTED as a FEMALE to have a nice hairstyle, use make-up and have nice clothes and shoes.
A typical females wardrobe & grooming items and appliances costs 3/4ths more than a typical mans. It takes a woman 1-1/2 hours to get ready in the morning.

You will diet on a regular basis for most of your life, sometimes trying fad and wacky diets.

You start dating...

Your mother doesnt want to ENCOURAGE your sexlife by putting you on the pill, so you buy condoms, then guys will call you a slut and a whore for having condoms.
So you feel conflicted...
And if you accidentally get pregnant, statistically the teen dad will leave you and not be in your lives anymore and effectively your lifes adventures will end...

You now get pap smears and breast exams yearly, which involve putting a tool in your vagina to examine it visually and with the examiners fingers and then they put a hard Qtip in the center of your cervix and twist it to gather cells for testing. it hurts, some of you faint during it from the vasovagal response.
And your breasts get squeezed and prodded for lumps that might be cancer.

If you get pregnant and chose to have an abortion, its YOU who will have to make that weighty decision and its YOU who will think about it the rest of your life and its YOU who get labeled a murderer or that you are going to hell. The father gets to be a martyr the rest of his life... "She killed my baby! wah!"

You are told by the MEDIA that "You can do it all!"

You get to college, get a degree, get a job you love and then get married.

Statistically YOU will still be doing 80% of the housework, home decorating and grocery shopping, You will be getting up in the morning making breakfast, getting a shower, shaving your legs and pits, blow drying your hair, flat ironing your hair (noticing you need a root touch up so you will need to schedule an appt) applying foundation, powder, blush, eye liner, shadow, mascara, brow pencil if needed, Curl your lashes, line and paint your lips and get dressed
"OOPS!" You got lipstick on the shirt you were gonna wear. HAFTA choose a new one and then drop the stained one at the dry cleaners on the way to work!
Dont forget you hafta make your hubby lunch unless hes buying his lunch that day.
You get to work and half your lunch hour is spent scheduling things for your HOMELIFE or dropping things at the cleaners or picking up prescriptions.
Towards the end of the day your FEET are killing you.

On the way home, you stop to get groceries and start dinner as soon as you get home, even if you started dinner in the crock pot that morning you still hafta prepare a salad and a side. you vacuum, sort mail and bills and your hubby gets home, cracks open a beer and you chat while you finish dinner...
You serve and eat dinner and load the dishwasher, and sit on the couch to watch Netflix or something on the DVR.
You are so tired you fall asleep while the movies playing.

You've been running all day so When you get to bed you want to sleep but your hubby sometimes thinks its fun time.
You may or may not end up having sex.
Or if you have your period oral might be the game that night.

You fall asleep and then you repeat this day until you decide to have kids.

Then when you have kids, STATISTICALLY, YOU will be doing the most work raising them too.

During pregnancy your body undergoes so many changes.
Your bones feed the babies bones with calcium, triggering mild osteoporosis, Your joints loosen, You gain weight, you are prone to high blood pressure, water retention, constipation, gall bladder problems, your eyes go bad, your gums get swollen and your teeth loosen, Your breasts swell up and get sore and hot, you now get hemorrhoids, heartburn, and stretchmarks, you cant stop peeing, you cant sleep comfortably, you are hot all the time,  you sometimes get diabetes during pregnancy. you sometimes get debilitating nausea. You throw up in the supermarket parking lot, you cant tie your shoes, you hafta buy all new panties and maternity clothes.
You cannot fly for the last month of your pregnancy.
You get shit from your work for the amount of maternity leave you are entitled to.
Then you go into labor or you develop dangerously high blood pressure and swelling and you hafta be induced.
Some labor is quick but some lasts over 2 days.
imagine the burn of sit ups but 10 xs worse every 10 minutes over 2 days!
Sometimes the baby is feet down and you need extra time to try and get the nurses to turn him/her, if they cant you get CUT OPEN and have a c-section, the scar that permanently smiles at you in the mirror.
To get the baby out they cut your vagina open and then stitch you up.
Your vagina will bleed for 2 weeks after birth, and your tummy looks like a deflated balloon.
Your hair, that grew lush during pregnancy, now starts falling out.
You are expected to lose the weight fast to compete with Heidi Klum.
If you dont try to breast feed, people look down on you. But if you breastfeed in public people think you are exposing yourself. Some bosses dont like you taking time to pump and store milk for your baby.
So you are shoved out of the hospital in 24 hours. Sent home with the baby and if you choose to breastfeed YOU get up every 3 hours to feed the baby. Your life for 6 weeks if full of breast feeding, burping, bathing the baby and washing his/her clothing and you are so tired. Your hair has baby puke in it and your hands smell of baby poop. You are too tired to care.
You typically get 6 weeks of maternity leave, after that you need to find a daycare or a relative to watch the baby.
You feel guilty when you go back to work.
From here on out everything you do as a mother is scrutinized. From the clothing your dress the child in, if you breastfeed, what activities your kids are in, how your kid behaves, even what you give as party favors at his/her birthday party...
Its ALL ON YOU AS THE MOTHER.
Until the kid(s) turn 12 your mornings subsist of all of the above plus feeding and dressing the kids and packing lunches, snacks and a diaper bag for day care or school. Frequently after you are fully dressed and ready for work the baby pukes on you. and you have to get all dressed again.
You need to get up a half hour early now.
For some reason it always falls on the MOTHER to go get the kids from school if the kid falls sick. She then has to take off work, pick up the kids and take them to the Doctors, stop and get the script for antibiotics.
But she still has to grocery shop and run errands and plan and make dinner at night.
Clean up, check on sick kid, wipe off high chair, ask hubby to give baby bath, dress him/her, load dishwasher. Start a load of laundry put baby to bed and THEN and only then can SHE sit down and relax that day.
BUT hubby wants NOOKIE!
(!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Sometimes after school or on the weekends you have to shuffle the kids around to birthday parties or after school activities.

Somehow, You are in charge of planning and shopping for holidays and you always seem to be the one to remember all the families birthdays and you notice that hubby's underwear needs replacing and YOU notice if the couch looks grungy and needs replacing.

You are the one who REMEMBERS that kids need Halloween hayride money or Secret Santa money or bake sale goodies, or new clothes cause they've outgrown last years.

YOU as the wife and mother are the KEEPER of everything and all dates.

You end up getting a short bob haircut and quickly put lipstick on in the mornings, no more time to curl lashes or flat iron.

By now you run on fumes.

Your art projects are in a box in the attic YOU have no more ME time.

YOU are the one who takes the kids to get new clothes and school gear each year.
YOU are the one who takes the kids trick or treating and helps with costumes.
YOU are the one the kid calls when he gets in trouble...


By the time the kids are 18 you start noticing changes on your face, your hair is graying and then you notice your hair is falling out more, your period is now longer or shorter, its not just fluid blood any longer its now occasionally a few big juicy blood clots that resemble chicken liver.

You sex drive starts slowing down

You start getting hot flashes. They start with a general feeling of unwellness or nausea, then your face flushes and the small of your back gets sweaty and then your entire body gets hot, in 10 minutes its over.

Then the feelings of doom begin and the horrible anxiety attacks. Your ears ring, your eyes get bad, you hair thins.

Then the palpitations, high blood pressure and higher cholesterol...Dr puts you on Statins.

You are now going thru perimenopause.

You feel lousy and you start coloring your hair getting botox and consider breast and tummy lift.

You go on Hormone Replacement Therapy and you feel better.

You now get regular Mammograms and colonoscopies. They take your breasts and squeeze them in this machine and take a picture, IT HURTS.

One day they might discover a lump and it might be cancer. or a pap smear might be abnormal.

Statistically if you as a female get cancer or get a bad illness or are incapacitated, your husband will leave you in 2-1/2 years...

Your kids move out and start their lives and NOW you have ME time, but STATISTICALLY you are still the one doing the housework and STATISTICALLY this is the time your hubby might cheat, EVEN AFTER ALL YOU HAVE DONE FOR HIM.

If you make it to old age and your marriage stays intact YOU outlive your hubby by 10 years AND YOU ARE STILL DOING THE HOUSEWORK!

AFTER ALL WE WOMEN GO THRU, mentally, physically, and biologically the datgum GOP and YOU- @FakePentland-Owner of a penis THINK YOU GUYS HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY WE SHOULD ASK PERMISSION FROM YOU FOR ANYTHING WE DO OR CONTROL ANY OF OUR BODY PROCESSES, LIKE ABORTION???

WE ARE STILL OPPRESSED!

Im done.